I missed a bunch of days

I know I know...I haven't written.

I don't even know what day I am on here. Things got very busy as I expected they would. One of the things they do is pile things onto you, at first people just kind of hang back and do a little here and a little there. Well come week three they end up getting swamped. I've learned to do as much as you can and just get it done. With the job I do, I can't predict what my shift will bring, so I have always done all my shift tasks so that I can do one of two things later.

The first thing I do after I am done...absolutely nothing, which is a luxury. You want me to do nothing.
The second is I am free to do my job, I am like a conductor in the orchestra of disaster. I facilitate damn near everything that is going on in some capacity. The reality is, if I am doing my job someone is dead, dying or in serious peril. It is either balls to the wall or dead calm.

It has equipped me well for this, even with my planning this was the week where everything kind of came to a boil.

Peoples nerves have been frazzled and it has shown. I've met some cool people during this class, but I am so ready to be done for this. A lot of negativity, a lot of people who think they are experts and then just some flat out ignorance.

I don't want to be here but I don't see the point of bitching about it every five minutes. I can't get out of it so why be miserable? The experts are hilarious, they try to explain how everything is wrong and why it should be a certain way. The phrase "should be" always makes me laugh, it's very subjective. In this school there is one way, the way they teach you. A couple of these people have been served humble pie on test days. Don't get me started on ignorance.

One guy has been in 18 years and was shocked when he found out his wife would have to dress up for our graduation banquet. How do you not know that? We are all getting dressed up and you think you can have someone show up in jeans? This isn't a night out at Red Lobster.

I was talking to my wife last night and I was telling her how it amazes me that cats in here who have been in for 17 or 18 years just have no clue about things that I always thought were basic.

I mean, basic things like dressing for a banquet, how to properly wear a uniform, the difference between "to" and "too" and the list could go on to on.
Then I have found the people who really need attention.

One guy is the "one upper" which means he has to add on to anything you do or have done. If you have eaten 10 oreos in one sitting, you can bet that he has eaten 15.

He is also a TI...a new one at that, and feel the need to try and impress everyone with jumping airmen at random. Over very minor nothings. I am all about discipline and keeping people in line, but I don't like jumping someone for the sake of show or your own ego. That is foul. Then another guy has decided he needs to do that stuff too. I got into it with the TI yesterday and had we been in a different environment he would have got his feelings hurt. I am in line and I see the look of terror on some of the airmen as they see someone with a bunch of stripes standing next to them.

Airmen go through phases, there is a time where you are not nice, you don't have to be an asshole...but you aren't nice. As they progress you let them be people a bit more. So I just ask to a couple "Hey, are you guys ready for the weekend" to which elicits a small, yet unsure smile and then suddenly...the TI looks at me and said that this isn't the time for hugs. My bitch switch almost flipped, if I wasn't surrounded by airmen I would have went off...I think he knows this and that is why he does it. It's not proper for people at our rank to argue in front of airmen.
I called him on it later and he was "joking". Sure you were. That is his one and only freebie.

Today is Saturday and the airmen who graduated basic get a town pass with their family. I think to make up for the dickheadedness™ of some I am going to spend a decent part of my day shaking hands and telling families in front of their airman, what an amazing job he or she did over the past eight weeks.

Which reminds me, I went to the graduation of basic training yesterday and I stood back and watched the families. I tell you, I am a proud father and I remember what I looked like when my children were born, but not even I could smile and beam with the pride that I saw from these family members in the stands as their child marched by. It was truly amazing. I saw moms with their "parent pin" displayed proudly in the parking lot.

I never really understood the big deal with it, my parents are the same way. Always saying they are proud of me...I never quite got it, it is just something I do. It is who I am. When I saw those faces, hundreds...the energy was intense. The love could be felt across the field. It was pure, unadulterated pride.

Anyways, enough emotion...this has been a good course so far. Not academically, but just things I have learned. I have learned a lot of what not to do. Maybe that is the point of all this, maybe it's not just about the books. The book stuff is easy, it is all right there for you.

People just are spending too much time arguing about it. For the test we took Thursday, out of 190 people who took it, 70% failed. In my class alone 50% failed. Not that I would suggest this to everyone...but the night before I went to Outback with a couple friends...and one was designated driver. I got DRUNK. Yeah, drunk. I had a blast though, I talked to some cool ass people at the bar and I was relaxed. I go in the next morning hungover as hell and guess who go the highest score? Me. I looked at the material and didn't spend my time questioning, I spent my time absorbing.

Same goes for the speech I had to do yesterday. I wrote it Thursday night and gave it on Friday. The room thought I was an expert on Liberia and was captivated for 10 minutes. I could have said anything, but it was how I said it that drew people in. It's all about charisma too, which I have been blessed with. You can't teach it. I have charisma, the gift of gab and game...I'm lucky and I know that. Like right now, there is a reason you are reading this. I scored very high, and some were too busy thinking about how it should be done instead of just doing it. Sometimes thinking gets you messed up, you need to just get out there and handle business.

Actually...everything written above I wrote this morning, then I took a break to go and eat some breakfast. I went down to Cracker Barrel because my arteries just aren't as hardened as I would like them to be. As I ate I watched a family pull up, the dad got out beaming, his son was in his blues and adjusted his hat at least 439 times. That is a sure sign of a newbie.

As I went to pay for my meal the kid was next to me with his girlfriend/fiance/wife or someone along those lines. I asked him if he just graduated BMT and he locked it up, I congratulated him and his lady friend was beaming. It just felt good. Then as I left I saw another airman and his parents. I went out of my way to go back to talk to them. I said "are you the proud parents" and they beamed I shook their hands, introduced myself as Technical Sergeant Coleman and then the kid looked scared, so I talked him up and made him look even better in front of his parents.

I do things like this kind of often actually, just not at a level like this where I am seeing parents directly. People don't get thanked enough, when was the last time you really thanked the employee at McDonalds, when was the last time you asked a random person how they were doing? Those little things...you never know when, but they could be something huge..dare I say life altering in someones life. Those parents today...how do you think I made that mom feel when I further reinforced her son was, is and will be awesome? I guarantee that a few people won't forget that sergeant who came up to them at random in one of the proudest moments of their life.
The bonus part is, I still feel good about it too.

People poke at me from time to time in class because some say at times "you can't always be nice". If anything, my problem is I often care too much. You can always be nice. I learned long ago it is a lot easier to kill someone with kindness, mostly because it always keeps them guessing.

Life is too short to be a miserable anger monger.

Do me a favor...today, do something out of the blue or just nice.
Little things, I am not asking for much. Ladies...give a smile to a random guy...better yet, a wink. You just mad that guys day. Guys need their ego fed, especially as we get older...we need to know we "Still got it".

Guys, come out of that comfort zone and tell a lady how nice she looks, take notice if she changed her hair, ask her what kind of perfume she is wearing and tell her it smells amazing.

I told my waitress the other night she was the best waitress I have ever had, I wasn't lying...but I don't think she had heard that much.

I know I am straying, but this whole week was really negative from a lot of people and I am trying to shake that off. I'm no "tree hugger" but man, it's nice to be nice and to have nice things done for you.

That is all I'm really saying...

Days Six Through Nine

So not much to report on during the weekend, that would encompass days 6 and 7. Mostly just sat in my room and did nothing. Absolutely nothing, and it was great. I haven't done nothing since my time in Korea. When you have a wife, kids, house, pets, etc...nothing is a long lost friend. So I caught up with nothing. I got up Saturday morning and went and rented a movie, then I decided I needed some Tylenol and went to go get some...I forgot it was Saturday. Here, Saturdays are when the brand new Airmen get to spend time with their family after eight weeks of basic training, so this place was SWAMPED. Luckily, I know where everything is on this base so I went to the other side where families and new Airmen have no clue as to their existence.
Afterward...TV and internet, for good measure I threw in a nap. I think the most I did all day was go off base about a mile and get some Arby's.

Sunday was a repeat performance.

As for Day 8, a.k.a Monday...what a suckfest that was. They have us all get together first in an auditorium...190 people crammed in there, then they tell us what we will do for the next two hours, and then they make a point to say "now if we correct you on anything, don't take it personal". Wow, really? I understand how the rumors about the Air Force get started, or maybe it is a reality I'm shielded from because there is little room for error or forgiveness in my job. Here I am in a room with 190 other Technical Sergeants and people are already making apologies so as not to hurt anyone's feelings. What the hell? I thought this was the military, I guess I took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.

So we head outside for our adventure, a lot of people haven't marched or done any real drill/ceremony stuff in 10+ years. It was a disaster. From the instructors down to the student leaders. Now I know it may sound like I am bitter that I wasn't picked for a leadership position, but...well first off, now I am glad I didn't get picked, but really...I know I could have performed circles around everyone I saw. Honest to god, call me a liar, call me bitter, call me whatever you like...it was just bad. The instructors and a wanna be drill sergeant or two are even making it worse. I have a TI in my flight and he is about to explode, and rightfully so. Which further validated my own thoughts. I have never in my life questioned why I was here...until that moment. In that moment I thought "Why the hell didn't I join the Marines?"

Speaking of Marines, walking to the chow hall I approach two young Marines, one looks me dead in the eye and says "Good morning Tech Sergeant". I was taken aback, here was a polite and sincere Marine extending my proper courtesy. Holy hell, and that reinforced my thought from earlier. I bet the Marines of my same rank are getting their feelings considered before something even potentially happens...they just receive the information, process it and prepare for more information. Beautiful. I tell you, I have learned so much from this trip...but none of it was purposeful or part of curriculum. Back to the chow hall thought...discovered a hidden gem, the Defense Language Institute is here and we teach other nations how to speak English. Everyone from Koreans to Brazilians to Zimbabwe to all spots in between. Great food and it is amazing to just watch everyone interact. I am a big time people watcher and this was like a dining version of the United Nations right in front of my very eyes.

Fast forward to today, well...last night, had a decent amount of beers and won a hat at the club. Yeah, I'm awesome. Now this morning, feeling a little blah'd. Not hungover really, but as close as one can get to it. Go to get some breakfast, fill up my belly...walk outside, and it is pouring rain. Oh, and I am in blues. Yeah. Get to class, all wet. Then we have a guest speaker in an auditorium across the street we walk to, about 1/4 mile or so away, get over there and listen...go to leave, POURING DOWN RAIN. Get back to class and soaked to the bone.

Man what a shitty day, at least it is cool now though. We'll see how long this lasts. I've never been happier to get out of my blues.

Days Four & Five

Did I mention I have a maid this time around? Well, housekeeping. Not a mile from where I woke up before the Sun's alarm clock went off all those years ago...used to have to iron socks and have everything perfect. Even with perfection, in basic training...even when you are right, you are wrong. Now I have my bed made for me.

I haven't left the base since I got here, I know the area well. I am in San Antonio fairly often, I just know what will happen if I go off base...I will also go broke. I make a good living but we aren't millionaires in the military, and even though they pay for my room and to eat each day (not much since we are supposed to eat at the chow hall) there isn't any money for incidentals. If I need something else, I pay for it. I like too many things that have lights and make noise, those things are expensive.

Speaking of “too”...yesterday we had a discussion over how “to” and “too” are used, I can only imagine what will happen when we hit the advanced things in class. Oh and then there was a one hour discussion semi-related to the lesson on bullet statements...it somehow evolved, or devolved I guess, into build-a-bear. Then it is hilarious because they will tell us “We know how you would do it” or “how we should do it” but in the same breath they tell us we are going to do it a different way while in school. So lets learn and absorb everything they “teach” us, so we can turn around and dump it when we get back to work.

I just don't understand the processes. On top of the madness it has still been hot. We broke 80 in the class today. How I have stayed awake and/or not murdered someone is beyond me at this point. I think the guy next to me is saving me, he is British and says some of the craziest things on a whim. I don't have much of a filter between my brain and mouth, but this dude and a couple of others just don't have an off switch. At times it is insanely hilarious, but more often than not...it just gets annoying.

Then there is the other guy from Tennessee in my class...me of course being the other. The guy is hilarious, however I think a lot of it is unintentional. I think I have made an serious effort to try and debunk the thoughts that people associate with my accent, and then I meet guys like this...and he completely undoes everything I have done for 31 years and reinforces that “good ol' boy” running around barefoot imagery. Like I said though, hell of a nice guy, would probably give you the shirt off his back...he is just country as cornbread.

I'm just ready to be done with this, academically I am bored as hell to be quite honest. That and knowing people who I have known over the years that made it through...hell, this blog alone is better written than anything they ever did in class. I'm pretty sure I've got this one sewed up, it's just the formality. They should let you just sit down and take a test and write a paper, you blow it out of the water and they hand you your certificate and call it a day.

I like most the people in the class, some are harder to talk to than others, but that is life. As far as the entire school goes...there are several I want to knock out at the first opportunity. You can spot them early on, the ones gunning for recognition. It's just sad, I would love to see a lot of people outside of this environment to see what they are really like. I'm guessing either clueless or...well, clueless is all I can imagine. There was one guy today at our “icebreaker”(which was one of the lamest things I have ever been to in my life, nothing like forced fun with academia and forced esprit de corps mixed in) who took it upon himself to be the noise police and would yell “HEY!” whenever it got a bit noisy. I never saw the guy and no one else seemed to know who it was either, but we could all hear him. If I knew who it was I guarantee we would have met his ass in the parking lot.

Final note and I will seal this entry with a kiss...what is bugging me the most, everyone except one person in the class and just a couple of instructors ARE ALL THE SAME RANK. Yet some seem to think they need to treat the rest of us like were children or just flat our retarded. Again...I would love to see one of these people out there in the real world, or better yet...put them in the trenches. I think we've got a lot of scared kitties or people with Napoleon complexes who would get eaten up. I'm looking forward to the day when one of these people come at me sideways, get your bail money ready.

Sleeping in for the first time since Korea...sweet

Day Three

Well hell, didn't get any of the positions. Don't know who all did. No biggies, I had a feeling after the stutter step and missing my stopping place that I probably wasn't going to be in there. I'm not going to dwell on that.

Not much in the realm of excitement today from a class perspective. I don't remember much, it was hot as Hades for some reason and all of us were miserable. I have a headache as I type this out right now.

I came home, jumped right in the shower to cool off. Good thing it was to cool off, there is little to no water pressure to begin with, it just kind of falls out instead of spraying. Then, I had zero hot water. I put on my uniform again and decided to head out on base to get a couple of things. I left the uniform on because it makes life a bit easier, the basic trainees run in fear and let you go ahead. Hey, they have nothing but time.

I walk into the bathroom and take care of business, a basic trainee comes strolling in and sees me, I say not a word but look at him and he locks it up, hands to the side and the blood flushes from his face, he is in fear that I am about to yell at him for just walking in all relaxed. Could I? Sure...but I'm not like that.

This reminds me though...a lot of you may think I could have told him to relax or "at ease", but at this point...you just can not be nice. Period. It's a rite of passage. It's part of the tradition. I have no problem ripping someone apart if they deserve it, but I'm not "that guy" who has to go ape shit over every single infraction, no matter how minor. They guy knew he wasn't walking like he was supposed to and let down his guard. He quickly corrected it so no need to counsel him. Don't confuse any of this with being mean, it really isn't...it's just not being nice.

If I try to be cool about it or let him off the hook, he remembers that this Technical Sergeant who likely outranks his TI thought it would be o.k. since I told him to relax. Then you have a breakdown in discipline and next thing you know someone has this kid he has to supervise who thinks everything is alright. We have to keep that discipline...it is what separates us apples from those oranges.

After that fun I head back to my room to change, now I have my stomach grumbles.
In what has become my daily ritual...I went to the "mini-mall" for dinner, it near where the basic trainees go to get basic items, and if they are really good they get "base liberty" and can go there to eat Subway, Popeye's or a bootleg Taco Bell stand.

Basic trainees are everywhere, I am sure the novelty will wear off at some point during this six weeks, but for now it is highly entertaining. I keep my game face on just to keep them all guessing. Am I a TI lurking about waiting to see someone doing wrong? Don't worry, again, I'm not being mean... at this stage you are paranoid as hell and think a TI will come out of a toilet if you fart wrong.

As I hit the food court I see even more trainees, either they have a nice TI or they are really awesome, because there must have been 100 trainees in line for Subway. I am guessing they were told they could eat nothing else, tacos and Popeye's were completely dead. I decided on tacos for those wondering.

The camera on the phone sucks but I needed to capture the moment, behind me is the gaggle of trainees at Subway.














Don't know what will happen next, probably watch some TV tonight and just go to sleep. I hate waking up in the morning!

Day Two

Heading on in, we go straight to classrooms now and get right to things.
Pre-tests, blah blah blah blah blah. Stupid. Nuff said. They tell us we won't know how we did and they won't know how we did. So what the hell is the point of three hours of testing?
After the tests it was time for lunch, not wanting to go off base at lunch due to traffic, I decided to go to one of the stores on base that has a Subway. I make my way in, look by an ATM and see a face...a face I had not seen in 13 years.

Crazy Pee Wee??? No..it couldn't be. I approached, saw his name tag and then I knew it was him. My TI, back then he was a Senior Airman...he got his campaign hat with my flight, we were the first flight he led. We called him Crazy Pee Wee because he looked like a homicidal Pee Wee Herman with a high and tight.

He used to have this damn watch that had a cover on it, looked like a camouflage wristband, but the top of it opened and closed with velcro. So every time he checked the time...you got that sound. To this day when I hear velcro I think “what time is it?”. Funny how those things stay with you, years later Mitch Hedberg made a joke about gambling and having a velcro wallet...he said something along the lines of “that sound was the sound of addiction”. I totally got it, more than most likely would.

Kind bizarre how things came full circle.
For fun, here is 13 years ago...



We talked for a moment and shook hands, it was surreal. Instead of yelling at me it was "good to see ya man!". Just strange. Hard to explain to someone who hasn't been through the system. In a moment that I will never forget and everyone in the military should never forget...never be a dick to people you work with. Odds are, you will see them again. Not only did I see him again, but now he saw something as he went to leave...he looked at my sleeves, then looked at the medals on my chest. We are now the same rank, both Technical Sergeants. He had a four year head start on me and now we were "tied" and judging from his face when he looked at my medals, I think I might have had a few more than him.

Hey, if nothing else Crazy Pee Wee helped get me in the door, and 13 years later...almost to the damn day, he reminded me that things can come full circle, and you never know what the years are going to bring. Good or bad. While I've been there and done that, put bombs on targets, dealt with space shuttles crashing, buildings on fire and countless things in between...he was kind of stuck in place. Not to take from him, he's still a TI and still generating Airmen for the most powerful Air Force in the world...but he's still doing what he did 13 years ago. Every eight weeks he starts over again. Every eight weeks for 13 years starting from scratch and going through the same exact routine.

I couldn't handle that, where is my variety? Hell, I can barely stay on topic for five minutes, let alone same exact thing every day. Enough of the nostalgia though, lets get back to class.

Fast forward and we had some discussions that were a bore, so far the class seems to not be able to stay on topic. I love to joke and play, but damn it man...even I have my limits.

Finally as the day closed some of us volunteered for a tryout. The tryout came complete with an American Idol like audition for a leadership position. About 70 people give or take tried out, and about 30 of us will get something or be an alternate. I guess this will start to show who is above and beyond. We all stood outside until our turn, then entered the room. Adjusted ourselves for a moment and then marched forward to a panel. Stop in front of them...right face and then stare straight ahead...not looking at them or saying a word. Instead you call out commands and complete them. LEFT FACE! ABOUT FACE! LEFT FACE! PRESENT ARMS! ORDER ARMS! Then do another left face and march out of the room.

That ended my day, results in the morning. I have the voice and commands down, but I may have made a misstep or two, nothing serious but it wasn't exactly how I wanted it to go down. I stop about 1 foot short of where needed, it's hard to do something like that when you have no depth perception. I didn't let it show (I think) that I knew I wasn't on spot. I just rocked it and as I heard my own voice, even I was surprised at how well I sounded. If voice alone wins...I am in there like swim wear. I'm hoping to be flight sergeant, I guess we will see in the morning...